Letting go...

We have all seen or heard the phrase... Let it go... If you have children it is something that is burned into your brain and you probably find yourself singing the song various times throughout the day.  Guilty.

But, have you ever stopped to ask yourself what you need to let go of?  Ever since my teenage years I have struggled with self consciousness.  I wanted everything to be perfect.  When I was 18, I weighed 103 pounds and thought that was too much.  I hated my looks.  Typical teen years. 

Here I am 24 years later and am just now learning to accept who I am and how I look.  I had been trying so hard to be the perfect size, have the perfect hair (who am I kidding... I am a hairstylist... we are never satisfied with out hair...).  It was only  few weeks ago when something happened that I began to really dig into what people really see as "fat". 

Regardless, we are way too critical of ourselves.  I had been searching for something on Pintrest and stumbled upon this blog...Brittany Herself.  If you struggle in anyway with yourself and your weight you need to check this blog out.  It is truly amazing. 

After reading several of her posts I began to ask myself what I was doing wrong.  First, I was not giving myself the credit that I truly deserved.  I am beautiful... inside and out.  Period.  So I don't weigh what I did 24 years ago... I am actually happy about that.  I have started to love the curves that I am blessed with. 

I tossed out all of those jeans that I knew I would never wear again.  By doing that and actually purchasing jeans that fit my body... my shape I gained more confidence that I could have imagined.  I even bought myself my first pair of DKNY jeans, and you know what... they make me feel sexy.  I like that feeling.  I even went so far as to go to a store other than Wal Mart to purchase bras... bras that actually fit mind you.  Before this shopping trip I had never paid more than $12 for a bra in my life... and I complained about that.  Not anymore.  Just proves that cheaper is not always better.  I have spent more $$$ on clothes (that fit) in the last few weeks than I have in the last few years. 

But, most importantly... I am starting to feel so much better about myself and that is something that no amount of money can buy. 

Today is the day...

Today is the 30th day of March.  Here I sit at the end of yet another month wondering what I managed to accomplish in my life.  Not much.  I have been having such strong feelings for quite sometime that I needed to start blogging again, but there would always be that little voice saying to me "Why bother?' or "Who is going to care enough to read it anyway?". The answer is actually quite simple.  Me.  I am the one who will be reading every single word that comes out of the tips of my fingers and I am the one who is worth writing all of this for.  I am one of those people who needs to remind myself daily that I have a purpose, even though some days it does not feel like it. 

  I love crafting, but this blog will not be about that.  I occasionally like to cook but you won't find many recipes here.  I try to spend my days with as little chaos as possible (yes, I know that is hard to do) so that I can keep a smile on my face.  Even though sometimes it might be fake. 

  I have no idea what my intentions are for this blog.  I am just going to sit down when the spirit leads me, and hopefully it will not always be at 4 AM .  I hope to be able to find peace with myself and who I am.  I hope to be an encouragement to myself. 

But most of all,  I hope to be ME.

Peace, Love and Coffee...

J